So, these started with Nightmare 3000 or rather proto Nightmare 3000. They were mainly inspired by Illustrations of Wil Rees, particularly the mechanicum with head saws and other extreme modifications (page 143) and the one with space marine sargeant killing a gretchin (page 152) and his visceral battle scenes in general. I especially liked using the image from page 152 as a reaction image on edgy forums. (Emulating his style is further called Reesitsu)
The Beginning
2011 - NIGHTMARES BECOME DARKER
So when I was in CS college in 2010, having a scholarship equal to minimal wage helped me to overcome my perfectionism and helped me to get over the fact that my chronic health problems and my dysgraphia prevent me from having perfect attendance, perfect notes, etc.
I have barely finished the second semester of CS studies. I was struggling with chronic health problems but also, I started having new problems. I was constantly exhausted to the point of stuttering. I had memory problems - I often forgot what professors said by the time they’d finish sentences. When studying I’d read very slow and would have to read aloud to be able to absorb anything.
I was basically burned out by the end of the first week or so of college but struggled. So I passed all the subjects except for linear algebra/mathematical analysis for which I didn’t have time left. Because of that I didn’t have scholarship and enough copebuxx in the third semester.
And that’s when I needed them the most. I had ethics classes which was bad news because I was absolutely burned out on that stuff from that time I took part in a year and a half long flame war against hordes of Bethesda back in 2006-2007 and after the threats against my beloved culture by the vile hordes of savage censorship worshippers during that time and also tended to be obsessed with ideological conflicts and have trouble sleeping after all the abuse I went during childhood and teenage years[link]. Also, I didn’t know how to calm down by meditate back then.
So, first it started eager to catch up and to do well at school and was doing diligent notes as shown on the first picture but then the ethics lessons started and the ethics teacher started spouting lies about how copyright infringement or even fair use is “stealing” and “the same as taking away creator’s valet on gunpoint.”. Of course I was outraged by these vile lies and was thinking obsessively at them.
But then things got worse. During computer graphics lessons the teacher told us about how his photographer acquaintance created a business where he puts unmarked photos on web and then when some web designer uses them, he sues the company that hired that web designer to get 20x compensations. Like getting for example 10k pln compensation.
I was outraged because of such a destructive sum but also because it was double standards because I didn’t get 20x compensation when my former father was trying to murder me by dodging child support since I was a baby. My notes have changed, first getting darker at the first day and then changing into scenes of torture.
These were my first A Twisted Word drawings. That’s when I came up with the idea of Angels of Justice. I already created the Justice character in 2003 when my father attempted to murder me using cowardly weapon of starvation for being disabled. And now I was drawing her angels.
So, anyway, I failed the third semester because I was completely unable to study and permanently lost the scholarship.
One side effect was that it was that when I have shown these works, was the first time someone suggested me that I should try making living from art.
I wrote a story about Justice on 20120208:
My name is Konrad and I'm 19. I'm an angel of Justice. As every angel of Justice, I wear powered armour with a set of melee and ranged weapons. This armour is temporarily fused with my body.
Besides being an angel, I'm also a vampire. My powered armour feeds on blood and souls of my enemies. I have black hair and smooth pale skin. My eyes are green and sparkly.
I'm a wizard and I have many spell cards which I can activate and smite the enemies of Justice or perform many other amazing and supernatural feats. I also know secret words that can activate fury mode and make me unstoppable for a short period of time.
I used to be an ordinary teenager. Every day I was bearing the burden of evil and injustice of this world upon my shoulders. I was abandoned, cheated, stolen from. Since I was born, I had to bear this burden. I was suffering for myself and for the others. Eventually, the pain became unbearable - physical in nature and I was no longer able to perform my duties. At school, at work, everything fell apart. There was only pain. Pain of injustice of it all.
But somehow I continued to struggle, not accepting that it was my destiny to be crushed by this burden. Step by step... I went forward. But slower than it was expected. In addition to my health problems I began to suffer from financial problems. As someone cheated me. Stole from me a large sum of money. Eventually, years later, I got it back, but meanwhile, I went in debt to pay my bills. Such a cruel world... And such a small compensation... So many people have suffered like me. Lied to. Cheated. Stolen from. Abandoned.
Still, I managed to enrol to computer graphics school. Performing poorly, my pain making reading the material... difficult, and frequent illnesses leaving me with many hours of absences. But still... I managed to crawl forward, painfully from semester until semester. Bearing my burden of pain of living in the world of injustice.
Until... Until I have learned about something...
About vile alien thieves who stole my justice. A computer graphics teacher in my school would often talk about how we should beware of the copyrightist cult because it can destroy people financially for "stealing" a photo or a font.
And more. That there were... predators that would... bait people with display unmarked images so that someone ignorant would use on their webpage and they could sue them for 20x the amount of money they would get when making such a picture on commission.
Hearing about it made me angry... First for the senseless cruelty of it - for injustice coming from dis-proportionality of the deed and the punishment or rather loss and compensation. Second for the inequality.
Yes, inequality. While I and the others who had things removed from inventory or were hired to do specific work and not paid got nothing for our suffering and financial problems, these vile aliens, were able to get vengeance and lots of money for minor offences. Additionally, copyrightists were lobbying for laws where they could punish people basing just on suspicion and without due process.
These vile... little... thieves. If someone "stole" their images, their fonts, then they... stole my justice. After this revelation I have lost my interest in anything but getting my Justice back.
Or rather getting it restored. For they not only stole it but also were seeking to... destroy it.
I was possessed... by... hatred and... hunger for... revenge. This kind of... theft... of justice couldn't be forgiven.
That's when I started having... visions. Visions of a beautiful woman. Naked, pale skinned, ravenhaired with golden eyes. She whispered secret words.
Justice and Equality. Justice... and... Equality.
Yes, these words, when repeated possessed magical power, they made my blood boil.
Justice and Equality. Justice... and... Equality and suddenly... everything was clear.
I wanted to see the copyrightist suffer.
Justice and Equality. Justice... and... Equality.
I saw visions, beautiful visions. A copyrightist... kneeling... begging for mercy. But there was no mercy for copyrightists for they had no mercy themselves.
I saw visions, beautiful visions. A copyrightist... kneeling... begging for mercy. And a drill entering his forehead. A razor scraping flesh off his face. Molten lead poured into his ear...
So many visions of... such moving beauty.
Justice and Equality. Justice... and... Equality.
Finally when I was lying in bed, contemplating the destruction of the copyrightist, something changed. A brass gate guarded by two dwarves clad in grotesque plate armour has appeared in place of my window. The guards blew their horns and the gate has opened. The pale beauty from my visions has appeared. My raven... my... Justice.
I knelt before her and she gave me a rune-covered knife. I knew what to do. I slit my wrist and smiled, feeling pain and watching life-blood flowing from my veins. Then a similar rune-covered knife appeared in her hand and she slit her wrist and moved it before my face.
I started sucking it, drinking the divine blood of Justice.
I felt incredible power and purity possessing my body. I was becoming something else... a vampire... no not just a vampire... an angel!
I felt wings, six raven wings forming in my mind. I suddenly knew that I can access a flying form.
At some point I have fainted. I woke up outside, in a park. I was enclosed in an ornate suit of powered armour. Somehow I knew what it is. How its weapons function. I also had a deck of cards.
I saw a vision of my queen.. my goddess.
-Know that you're a wizard, Konrad. - she said. -Each of these cards contains a powerful spell which can be activated by saying its name. You know what I expect you to do.
-Yes, my queen. - I said fervently and her vision disappeared. But with her divine blood coursing in my veins I was never alone again.
So, the general story of A Twisted World was born:
A Twisted World
In this nightmarish alternate reality enemies of justice have triumphed.
Luckily, Justice haven’t forgotten about this world. She selects champions that fight against this evil.
She gifts them with arcane weapons and armour and superpowers and sends them on a crusade against the wicked. Sometimes she also sends out angels to destroy the wicked.
So, I was looking for a job and it was usually like there were job offers and then they'd have like hundreds of displays and they'd collect tons of CVs, all while preaching about earning living, also often if there would be a job offer in a store or something like that they'd already have someone in training and then keep the job offer for like weeks, in once case months. I guess it's to promote the idea that everyone who wants a job can get one. Like it's not that I'd be able to keep a job if I actually got one because I would probably be fired in like a month due to being chronically ill.
So, one I'd also read about advice for jobs and notice how there is one group that is conspiring to monopolise all the cozy office jobs - that is suitists. I encountered these degenerates earlier, like when I went to college... uhh... I'll just quote my old post on it:
I had a period of intense hostility towards fashion worshippers around 2010-2016 when I went to college and during the first day a smug fashion worshipper from the student council told us that during final exam students are obliged to wear suits and bragged about how a student was prevented from taking final exam that he paid for for wearing jeans and metallica shirt.
Of course I was outraged by this sacrilege, how could these uncivilized savages have harmed of my brothers in faith. They wanted to destroy western culture...
Also, it was super classist. At that point I couldn't afford a separate set of degenerate clothes. Hell I couldn't even afford a band t-shirt.
Anyway, so obviously I asked in bursary if that's true and after hearing them confess their heinous deeds, of course I resigned, when I arrived at home they called and said that I don't have to wear suit so that I wouldn't resign.
So I went there but it left a feeling of hatred and disgust towards that subculture.
Was browsing the predecessors of the A Twisted World stuff (from 2016).
And it sort of amused me that for the first six months the main enemies in the setting weren’t starvation worshippers and ableist social darwinists but various cliques conspiring to monopolise workplaces like suitists, bribers and drug networkers.
For some reason I only focused on starvation worshippers and ableist social darwinists in the end of August, 2016.
Found background story from 2015:
Last 4 years feel like painful lingering death.
There was the light in the end of the tunnel in 2010.
I learned about EU stipends for deficit jobs. I went to college to study Computer Science. Received the stipend because someone tied receiving the stipend to average score from maturity exam without checking for science and maths subjects. It was some relief, since I'd receive 1000pln of stipend a month which after paying the school fees would leave me with 556 pln for my own needs. There was also a lot of work.
Could spend decent amount of money on paying for evil and depravity of this world that I had to witness.
Encountered some more subhuman ideological enemies, but money allowed me to get through it.
Still, my IBS was pretty bad back then, and my memory was still very bad after the trauma I went through in 2005.
Often I'd forget what teachers would say by the moment they'd finish their sentence. Also, had trouble reading technical books. Reading exercise commands would often take me minutes because I'd have to re-read them again and again.
So, ultimately I lost my scholarship after the first year and then everything went to hell. My mother's company started having problems with getting work, I encountered new ideological enemies that were especially vile and disgusting and discovered new perversions against Justice and Equality.
Then in 2012, it was even worse. We started running out of money, suddenly amount of work decreased 4x, there started legal problems due to worse and worse contract conditions, etc.
I started experiencing almost constant dread of the future which made me unable to read technical stuff at all, and generally made my interests much less sophisticated than they used to be.
I was looking for work but despite sending out applications to 10s or maybe even 100s of offers, I never even got a reply from anything else than human contact jobs, where I couldn't get past the interview because of my problems with talking in real time.
I had to resign from college due to lack of money to continue.
This nightmare lasts to this day, 4 years later.
Every day I wake up aware of the sickening perversion of this world and it's wicked plans for me. It's so distressing and sickening to see it, to experience it, to be influenced by it.
I'm so much better than them. I have never took drugs, I have never smoked a single cigarette. I have rejected their "culture" of partying and taking drugs.
And yet these filthy subhumans who worship malnutrition not only believe that people who don't have work should starve but also believe that I should be the one who will starve!
It's unacceptable.
What kind of sick twisted creatures they are. They demand impressions, they demand being influenced, stuff that reasonable people defend against. It's logical to create systems that make us independent from impressions of other people. Systematic solutions. That's good. Solid mechanisms, not against humanity, but for it.
Worms. Even if starvation was allowed, I certainly shouldn't be the one to starve. Not before every single druggie, every pathological liar, every child abandoner, every briber, every cheater, etc. etc. etc. is starved.
THERE MUST BE JUSTICE!!!!
A drawing from 20130701.
Status and Fashion Worshippers Receiving Their Due
Those vile enemies of justice and equality. An Angel has brought them to justice.
Drawn on 20140601. Last image scanned before my scanner died.
“A wretched suitist receiving his due.”
This vile fashion fanatic was ruthlessly conspiring to monopolize workplaces. Luckily an angel of Justice has given him his due.
The Red Period
In 2016, the "red period" has started. I was trying to sell prints of science-fantasy and horror works and was posting on Tumblr. I started the red blog besides another, more peaceful art blog blog, specifically to direct my disgust towards so called humanity a few months after seeing something on one forum that really disgusted me:
A few days ago our colleague has declared that he's starving for last few days. It demonstrated perfectly how diseased and degenerate is the way of your thinking. Instead of checking how much money you can spare and how to get them to him like a sane person would do, vast majority of you completely ignored him and a few people only posted insane advice about growing food in garden and how to eat nothing. You make me fucking sick. You're less than human. I don't like you any more.
Most of people here post their delusional fantasies about how you are good people. It's all words and no substance. You're not good people. It's questionable if you're even human beings.
From series "Angel of Justice destroying a Suitist":
20160224
This time something more PERSONAL. Sometimes there are groups of… people. Who are a PROBLEM. Who do bad… things.
Like MONOPOLIZING RESOURCES, financial TERROR. Destruction of FREEDOM. They DEMAND submission.
For example, FASHION IS SUBMISSION. Worshippers of fashion are EVIL. They use financial terror to enforce submission or DESTRUCTION of those who don’t share their SICK RELIGION.
Sometimes it’s nice to draw an ANGEL bringing JUSTICE to them. That is SLAUGHTERING them :/ .
20160227
Then on 20160312 I discovered another type of enemies:
Was at new school two weeks ago. Heard some students casually talking about their devotion to corruption and their ideology that one can’t get anywhere in life without greasing some palms.
Felt my thing rise up.
Drew some sketches about SLAUGHTERING the servants of corruption.
From 20160411 I think this was the moment where all the gaslighting by ableists has finally worn off.
A new drawing.
Now I finally remembered why they want me dead.
I realised that probably actually have PTSD. Was googling stuff from my MMIP-2 test results. Took it a few years ago. It wrote not so nice stuff about my person and I haven’t followed up with psychiatrist because I haven’t found it very believable.
When I saw the English version of the result on internet, it shows that one of common diagnosis is PTSD. It would kind of make sense.
When I took the test, that result didn’t list it as a possible diagnosis. I guess it has to be a recent change. Will have to go and try to get diagnosed.
I think two life-changing events were extended bullying in two last two classes of primary school and a series of street attacks in 2005.
After the first, I started suffering from insomnia, IBS and attacks of rage, after the second, for a long time I felt tense and threatened when outside, had violent nightmares almost every night, lots of anxiety and other stress. And rage. Also, loss of enjoyment of a lot of stuff.
Fuck, they always were trying to destroy me. They had a chance to be decent to me, but they have chosen otherwise. They had a chance to to repay for everything they’ve done for me, but they are still trying to destroy me for my health problems instead. It’s their choice. They could have chosen otherwise.
They can’t really expect me to have any sympathy to them. They can’t really expect me to see them as anything more than pests.
From 20160417.
Hate Meditation I
A WRONGDOER is EVISCERATED and has his THROAT CUT by an ANGEL of JUSTICE :/ . His HANDS and ARM were MANGLED during the STRUGGLE :/ .
Originally drawn on A4 paper with Gel Pen. Digitally coloured with blood colour picked from execution video.
It was when I started put much more effort into drawings. I used drawing to focus and use up the energy of my emotions - which is why I called them Hate Meditation. I also stopped eating confectionery and started going to coffee houses to draw instead. I’d buy a large coffee and sit and draw for a few hours.
A quote from another drawing from that period:
Trying to drastically increase the amount of time I spend drawing per day. It’s pretty exhausting. I guess it has some therapeutic value.
Tried doing another Hate Meditation. Didn’t really work. Spent only 30 minut doing this. Ran out of coffee and cake too fast.
Also, I’m sometimes so angry that I can’t really focus. Was trying to use an anatomy book.
An angel of Justice is skinning an arm of that bad guy.
This one was from 20160720.
Hate Meditation II
An Angel of Justice appears and brings Justice to the wicked.
I think this one was about social Darwinists. The armour features early attemtps at reesitsu.
2017 was a sort of a lost year when I tried to do much simpler but more precise and clearer drawing, trying to emulate earliest woodcuts by Albrecht Durer.
Later stuff:
20180825:
These ableist social Darwinist traitors were conspiring against victims of psychological liquidation receiving compensations that the society owes them and help that they need. Luckily a knight paladin of Justice has hunted them down and brought them righteous punishment.
20191023
The protagonist suffered through his childhood because of a rich evil father that betrayed and abandoned him and then had several other children with different women. The evil father tried to starve him as a little child, leaving him traumatised and unable to have relationships.
Evil family court judges were assisting the evil father in making the protagonist poor and hungry.
Luckily the protagonist was visited by Justice and gifted with powered armour. He brought righteous punishment to the evil inhuman filth that betrayed and tortured him as a child.
20191220
This vile social Darwinist wanted disabled people to be starved. Luckily a Paladin of Justice has caught him and tore his face off.
This one was almost 6 months from the start of my quest to git gud and featured elements of Reesitsu.
This concludes The Beginning and The Red Period. Originally the drawings series was called The Old World, but later I hanged the name.
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